This journey with Mom is different than what I experienced with my parents who both died from cancer. There is no underlying illness lurking and threatening, no evil thing we can point to as the culprit for our loss. It’s simply time. And we’re discovering that nothing about time is truly simple.
This winding down is so different to watch and to experience. There is no fighting against it. No thrashing about trying to push away what is to come. It’s more peaceful. And yet, the process is still wrapped in frustration for "she who has no patience" (by her own admission) and sorrow for those of us who want to see her happy and yet know that we will be saddened when her earthly presence ends. But it won't really end — because her sons are her legacy, just as they are their Dad's. And in turn, each son shares some of that essence with their own families — children and grandchildren — who will share a piece of it with their children to come. It’s inevitable.
There’s comfort in her continued assertion that the time that she's had here in this life has been well spent in her eyes. And if there are any questions lingering as to whether or not she’s happy and secure, they are humorously eased when she is asked if she would she would like to speak with a priest. Her response is quick and sure: “No. I haven’t done anything.” She has her own conversations with God, and she’s good. No regrets.
Our conversations are becoming shorter, but they are filled with reminders of love. This is a new side. Never one to wear emotions openly, Mom is determined to use this time to remind us about the fact that she “love, love, loves” us. Well, we love, love, love her, too. She is, after all, our Mom.
And that will not change however much time there is.
No comments:
Post a Comment